Aging Well
What does it mean to age well? I have been thinking about what it means to grow older gracefully for as long as I can remember. I can recall noticing older people at farmer’s markets, or on the streets of Florence, or at art museums, or university art theaters—and recognizing when I could see a spark or aliveness in them. While we all will likely have our own ideas about how to truly live as we age, I thought I would share a few thoughts about what healthy aging looks like for me these days.
Keep an open mind. Keep learning. Curiosity creates an energy I can feel. It is tangible. My main ways to remain curious are to seek out voices that are different from my own. New perspectives broaden both my mind and heart. I love to consider new ideas and research and explore them on my own. The process of following a question can be incredibly invigorating. I love to read all kinds of books. I appreciate learning through documentaries, along with listening to podcasts too. I value good writing and have found The New Yorker to be a wonderful replacement to The New York Times. Poetry is also a staple for me as I find that it reminds me to lean into a sense of “wonder” — not to forget to be amazed or filled with awe.
Challenge your mind in simple ways. I enjoy filling out a short daily crossword. My yoga practice often challenges my mind by incorporating new poses or flows that are challenging. I think this step is important as I am such a comfort-oriented person by nature. I seek the familiar. Remembering that challenging my brain is good for me reminds me to look for opportunities to do so—and that my be brushing my teeth with my left hand, meditating, or completing some simple brain puzzles.
Move. My favorite ways to move my body are by walking and practicing yoga. During the past year, I made running more of a cornerstone to my routine. The gyms were all closed so I took to the streets! While I have always been a runner, I repeatedly found myself with a pulled muscle or experiencing joint pain. Part of getting older may be letting go of practices or mindsets that have worked for you in the past but no longer do. This can feel challenging and a bit sad. I have let go of running and shifted to yoga to bring more flexibility and balance to my routine. I practice 3-4 times each week in a heated studio. It is GLORIOUS. Hiking or taking walks is another way that I regularly move my body. I try to get out most days. It really doesn’t matter how you move, it matters more that you move. Gardening, dancing, jumping on a trampoline. Pick your pleasure!
Build muscle. As we get older, we naturally lose muscle mass. I am challenging this a bit by lifting weights a few times each week. Knowing that I am more prone to injury, I stick to the basics and use the machines. I keep things on the lighter side with more repetitions. Lifting weights takes me less than 30 minutes each time.
Play. This step is not intuitive to me, but it is so important. JOY lives in play. My favorite ways to play are to dance, play pickleball, and play games.
Get out in nature. Nature reminds us who we are. We are calmed by the trees and dirt and sea. I feel less alone in nature. I also find tremendous comfort in observing the seasons of life through the lens of nature. If you are interested in this idea at all, feel free to read about my musings for Spring, Fall, and Winter.
Practice mindfulness. Numerous studies have shown how wonderful meditation and mindfulness are for the brain. I still practice my daily morning meditation. I also try to connect with the present moment as often as I can each day. One easy way to practice this is to connect with your senses as often as you remember throughout the day. What do you see? What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you taste? Mindfulness is a practice that goes on and on!
Eat whole foods but also avoid rigidity. I appreciate good food. I eat to feel good and to fuel my body but I also eat for pleasure. It is all a balance. Most of my diet is comprised of fresh food that is not processed. I try to incorporate protein into each meal with plenty of vegetables. Seasonal fruit. Nuts. I am measured with animal protein and pick the highest quality meat I can find when I choose to eat it. Listening to my body and eating mindfully have been huge for me. Dove dark chocolate ice cream bars and salt and vinegar potato chips are my current pleasures!
Practice acceptance as needed. Part of getting older is letting go of things we can’t really control. We may carry a bit more weight than we are used to or struggle with our hormones. We may notice an increase in wrinkles or age spots. Our bodies and minds will show the reality of being alive. Plain and simple. I am noticing cultural narratives here that suggest that women maintain eternal youth. I look to other cultures and the wisdom of women to help me challenge and rewrite damaging messages around my value as a more mature human. This is an important practice if we want to decide for ourselves what we value and what feels honoring. It is an ongoing practice. Surrendering intentionally and allowing for grief is an integral practice for me, as well.
Focus on skincare. I have implemented a few extras into my simple skincare routine that have worked wonders for me. Overall, I keep to the basics. Gentle cleanser. Quality moisturizer. SPF. But here are my additions—
*Vitamin C (I am using this product every morning right now)
*A form of retinol that works for your skin (I can only use it once a week so that is what I do)
*A liquid exfoliant (I use this product once a week)
Gather regularly. Loneliness is bad for your brain and heart. As an introvert, I do love my alone time. Still, having a few close people in my life that I regularly connect with boosts my spirits and allows me to feel loved and cherished. There is plenty of science on the benefits of having time with those we love so we can all feel good about prioritizing it! So gather for dinners. Gather for book clubs. Gather for walks. Gather. Gather. Gather.
Create time for REST. We are not culturally supported to take time to slow down each day but our bodies are not designed to go full tilt all day long. Taking a few moments to step outside or take a nap or stretch our bodies or enjoy a bath or read a book is good for us. I rest regularly. Breaking the steady stream of cortisol protects our bodies and minds. We are more than what we get done in a day. Experiencing the pleasure of being alive (slowing down) is an integral part of my day.
Engage in healthy intimacy and connection with others. Many of us grew up with unhealthy love, conflict, and connection models. This experience can leave us feeling particularly vulnerable and lost when it comes to cultivating healthy relationships—with ourselves and with others. John and I have needed help in creating our own roadmap at times. Therapy and coaching have been particularly helpful to us, along with reading and learning new templates that allow us to see what emotional maturity looks like. We have had to learn terms like differentiation, boundaries, enmeshment, and control versus connection paradigms. Having healthy love and intimacy in our lives is a cornerstone of health. We all deserve to feel that we are in safe and supportive spaces in which we can flourish and grow. John and I continue to show up to do this work each day. For ourselves, for each other, and for our children. We still make mistakes but we are awake to our own minds and how our actions affect those we love. We are quick to apologize, connect and learn, and try— again and again, and again.
Prioritize SLEEP. There are entire books and podcast episodes dedicated to the importance of sleep. I have noticed that I am more sensitive than ever to getting a good night’s rest. My mood, my energy, my sense of groundedness are all affected by how I sleep. I am usually in bed by 10. I like to wake up on my own which is usually around 6 or 6:30 am. Our bodies appreciate rhythm so if you struggle at all with sleep—adhering to a regular bedtime and wake time might be helpful. I currently use melatonin to help me sleep. Occasionally, I have used valerian root.
